WHY YOU SHOULD NOT ANSWER ”PRIVATE NUMBER CALLING"

*bring bring....bring bring....bring bring*

Me: Hmm... *answers phone* hello?
Girl: Hi, do you remember me?
Me: Give me a name and I might do.
Girl: Don't you remember? It's me Nicola.
Me: *Quick scan of memory, and I only know one Nicola. Likelihood of her calling me is slim* I'm sorry, you'll have to give me some help here. Where did we meet?
Girl: The works...
Me: *Never been to anywhere called “the works.” Prank call or wrong number* Sorry luv, you got the wrong number.
Girl: I got something to tell you, I wasn’t entirely truthful when we met, and I might have warped the truth a little...
Me: ......
Girl: I'm not 18, I'm actually 14. Is that okay?
Me: Girl, you have the wrong number.
Girl: Can we meet again, please?
Me: Wrong number, girl. Bye.
Girl: Please! I'll give you head!
Me *click*

Mates: Who was that?
Me: Just a ho.

Prank call? Possibly. But the likelihood of choosing my number? Rather slim.

The truth? I've been out 3 times in the past month, twice I was sober, once I was pissed outta my head and was barely able to comprehend how I had hands let alone try to pull.

Best guess? A mate by the name of Mark who is notorious for sleeping with anything. Chatted her up, got off with her, found out she was 14, and decided to palm my number. You bastard!!

TO ALL PARAMEDICS, NURSES AND PEOPLE IN THE MEDICAL WORLD.

I'm not a graduate of any medical course, not even close.

I wish there were enough amazing events in my life to write something about. Unfortunately, my life has been very average. I was never whisked away by terrorists, never have I traveled outside the Philippines, and I don't even own a car! But appreciation and admiration, like this, I can write.

A friend of mine was once walking with me down a street in Makati. As we walked, an ambulance passed by with sirens flaring. My friend commented, "Those are just flashing lights and sound.".

After a lot of thought and silence, I said, "But that's the beauty of it. Paramedics are the simplest profession, even the most noble. There is no hidden agenda for the Paramedic; someone is hurt and they arrive. Pick this person off the ground, in the process, saving them from the greedy jaws of death and chance, and delivering them to the Hospital where they can be cared for, their families can visit to see their loved one still in one piece, if not worse for wear."

Paramedicine has already interested me, perhaps it is because in this world, we are so surrounded by convolution and red tape. But the paramedics float above this. His job is simple, it is precise, it is life saving. He rides his ambulance without care for promotion, without worrying if his customer satisfaction level is below a certain percentile as defined by the quality surveys administered by a third-party impartial. None of these matter to a man whose only concern is the bettering of his community, of his province...of his nation.

The paramedic leaves people in awe. When you see the serpent twined around the staff, a worldwide symbol of medicine and care, you do not think, "That person is a waste of space." or "What a drain on my taxes." No, you think, "There is someone I wish I could be like, that calm professional, who in a moments notice, could whisk me away and save my life."

They say it takes a special person to be a Paramedic, I say it only takes the one thing that every human being is born with: compassion for his fellow man.

My name is Chris, I am 23 years old, and I salute every people working in the medical world, the ever caring nurses, and every paramedics who save lives, and continue to do so.

Mag-ingat sa Mangkukulam sa Makati

Bwisit ako sa matandang babaeng palaboy sa makati ah!! Raket nyan manghihingi kunwari ng pamasahe pauwi sa probinsya nila, kesyo iniwan daw sya dito, paawa effect and all…. tapos kapag binigyan mo ng 50 pesos (yeah, fucken 50 pesos ang binigay ni Joanne dati dyan) manghihingi pa ng dagdag!!!! Tapos kapag hindi mo na binigyan sisigawan ka’t mumurahin na parang sya pa yung nalugi sa inyo!!!!

Lagi kong nakikita yang matandang babae na yan pakalat kalat sa Makati. Minsan naninigarilyo pa yan noh! Dati nakasakay ako sa jeep along Pasong Tamo, eh traffic nun so mega tengga yung jeep, aba si ganda ng lola mo nanghihingi ng sabaw yata sa carinderia, hindi pumayag yung may-ari at pinainom na lang sya ng tubig, ang lola basyang nagalit at nagdabog pa na may binubulong bulong na for sure eh sumpa yan!!

Isa pang encounter, naglalakad ako sa likod ng PeopleSupport. Si lola nambibiktima na naman, syempre target yung mga working sa PS, mga feeling rich kasi kaya pasikat magbigay yang mga yan. Ayun may 3 girls na nilapitan si lola. Same drama. Naiwan sya kuno, walang pamasahe pauwi, in fairness, pang Urian Awards yung acting ni lola…. Aba!!! Yung isang girl 100 pesos yung binigay kay lola!! OH NO!!! Kitang kita ng 2 mga mata ko, pero si lola nanghingi pa ng dagdag ayaw paalisin yung girl. Gustong gusto ko nang lapitan sila para bawiin yung pera kasi nga isang malaking SHAM ang mangkukulam na yan!!!! Ang masaklap pa nito, 50 pesos na lang laman ng bulsa ko nun, so si lola mas rich pa sakin!!!!! Grrrrr!!!

Kung magbibigay kayo dun na lang sa pulubi dun sa side ng Buendia sa may likod rin ng PeopleSupport. Mabait si lola na yun. Huwag sa mangkukulam at dyapeks na matandang babae na yan!!!!

May isa pa eh, lalake naman na mukhang mountaineer. Kesyo kulang raw pamasahe nya pauwi sa kanila. Wag nyong bigyan. Binigyan ko yan nung una pero kinabukasan nakita ko ulit nanghihingi naman sa iba!! RAKET!! Tapos lagi ko na rin nakikita yan may biktima palagi. Kawawa naman.

KAYA LISTEN UP NOW. IBUBUKING KO NA ANG TUNAY NA KATAUHAN NG MGA PULUBI NA YAN, MGA TAONG GRASA, HOMELESS PEOPLE……

PINAG-ARALAN KO TALAGA TOH AH, PINAG-ISIPANG MABUTI, GUMAMIT PA AKO NG STATISTICS AT CALCULUS PARA LANG MAKASIGURO….

THE TRUTH ABOUT HOMELESS/PULUBIS.. ISA ITONG SAKIT!!!! FROM NOW ON ITO NA ANG DEFINITION NG HOMELESS/PULUBI:

A homeless/pulubi is a filthy, leperous disease, stuck to the bottom of society's shoe like a wad of AIDS-infected chewing gum. Did you know that on average, a homeless/pulubi will make sixty-five million pesos a week by begging on the street? And why do you never see them on the streets at night, or when it's cold or raining? Because they use this money to buy diamond-plated houses with solid gold windows and robot butlers, and they sleep in hammocks spun from the hopes of children, perpetually held up by a thousand hummingbirds singing ’While My Guitar Gently Weeps’.

See? Kaya next time, try nyo namang kayo ang mamalimos sa kanila! Haha.

Ugly.

Somebody once suggested to me that being single should be a positive thing. I've tried to look it from every possible angle and every which way I see, the only positive thing I can find is that I don't have to put my emotional trust and confidence in someone, and that's not hardly a possitive enough point.

I sat yesterday at home thinking about why I'm ending up single. I know why I am. Too goofie, too ugly, too shy, too confident, too tough, too scary, too forward, too dumb, too clueless, too protective, too laid back, too undescribed, too difficult, too easy to get along with, too funny, too sweet, too hopeless romantic, too me. I'm too me, but it's not as if I can change that. I keep telling myself, just when your not looking (which I have been doing for like ever!) someone will come and sweep me off my feet. Not a chance! I see this single thing being the only thing people can describe me as. "There goes that single guy", that type of thing. I don't ever recall someone believing I am their perfect match. I've never had that. And sometimes, I think I'll never have that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not on some major downer AGAIN, if you ever get the pleasure of meeting me, you'll think im a crazy loon! Maybe that's it? Maybe the fact that I don't give a shit gives men/women the heebie geebies.

Listen up, I'm here, come get me, a big heart and warm soul here, thank you very much!

But seriously, hoping someone will love me. And I mean serious, matured and faith-based kind of love, not the "I love you but a gazillion things are more important than you, so just sit there, behave, and I'll come back when I'm free" kind of love. Sigh.

And yes, I'm too ugly, maybe that's it. =(

PS: Now, don't post comments pertaining to looks and appearances, as the title might instigate. This is not intended to be a "superficial" post.

MY LOVE STORY "GUMMY BEAR" STYLE.

"The world is not bunnies and rainbows, and yes, it ain't donkeys either..... "

So, as I watch you and see your love grow for me,
I know that soon you will be gone forever.
And somehow you know this too,
but you're not afraid you're numbed by your unconditional love for me.
As I watch you die, knowing I could have stopped it,
I tell myself that you meant nothing, but we both know that's NOT true,
I truly loved you, and look at what I did to you.

(If anything, gummy bears don't bleed)

And if you're waiting for my heart to break..... It already did, you were just too pre-occupied watching panda bears to notice. I guess I'll just glue it back together for the 94582964th time.


_______ ______ _______

I've been skewered on the stick called heartbreak more times than I'd like... I'm a mutilated gummy bear.

By the way, has anyone seen my heart? It wasn't in the mess where I found my arms and spleen. =(

_______ ______ _______

The End.

Single and NOT looking?

I needed a little while off. What I have noticed about me lately is my wanting to be alone more and more. I don’t know what it is. It’s nothing against anyone personally, or even that I’m being anti-social, it’s just that I feel like I am MORE when I am alone. I am more in my thoughts, in myself, in my being, in my spirit. It’s really, really weird to explain. But also, more and more, I’m getting used to being alone, alone in the *heart* sense.

I’ve finally come to a huge realization that I never thought I would see before. And I openly discuss this because I think that when you come to learn things about yourself that you never thought you would figure out, it’s best to be open about it and to learn from it. So, this is what I have to say. I’ve gotten the question before, "How could you be single?" Well, it’s quite simple, as I’ve come to learn, everywhere now you can see that people are stating about the fact that they are single, or single and not looking. Well, to me, it’s more than that. I don’t like to date. I don’t like to do the whole, "lets call each other every day and go out and goo goo gaa gaa" kinda stuff. It’s so funny because my ex gfs know that I was always that way before, and now, well, I’m really, really not into it.

The thing is this: I’ve learned that I expect many things out of a relationship.

I really do. I mean, I don’t start talking to a girl and sharing a bunch of info, spending time with her, doing the whole kiss-kiss, hug-hug thing just to "date," and then move on to the next. I go into something if it’s going to be meaningful and worthwhile, and hopefully, with a brighter outcome.

When I was 17 or 18, having a GF was something "cute" and something that you had to "pass the time," or because you actually thought you "felt" something for the person. Well, let me tell you: from 18 to 22 (4 years difference), my mind has changed a WHOLE lot. What I look for, what I expect, what I give, what I feel is a lot different than it was back in the days. Because of this, I cannot really "date" because, as I've said, most of these girls are not even "ready" to understand me at the level that I’m at. I’m not saying this is true for all girls. I’m saying from MY experience.

Second, I’ve found that when I meet a girl I like, I start paying a LOT of attention to her. I start thinking a LOT about her. In the end, she becomes what I’d like to think of as an "idol" in my heart. Meaning, she’s on top of my list for everything. Consequently, other aspects of my life become affected in a negative manner. This is really, really important as far as my spiritual life. If I put someone else in the path of ALL my attention, it’s kinda hard to concentrate on my ONE-on-ONE relationship with God. Therefore, I’ve realized that if I go into something, I need to be smart and cautious that I don’t turn myself over completely to the point where I forget the MOST important things in my life. Kinda like everyone says, "You tend to lose yourself in a deep relationship". Well, I started analyzing things a lot.

When I say that I would LOVE to have kids, I mean it. When I say that I will be my kids' best friend, I mean it. When I say that I will love truly and eternally once, I mean it. Actually, I cannot predict what the future will be like and whether or not things will go as I "dream"... but I know that my heart is willing and able, and that’s what counts.

But since I’ve come to this realization, I’ve also thought about one other thing. If I know this is how I feel, why go out and play the dating game? Do I want to play that game? Heck no. That’s not what I’m looking for. So, what do I do??? Well, I stay away. I stay low. I stay alone. I keep to myself. I learn from myself. I learn from the daily lessons that are given to me. I enjoy the moments on the road TO MY FUTURE. I thought about all this today. The biggest impact is that I now know that I cannot simply go out there and "find" this that I’ve longed for, nor do I intend to. Nope. The last thing that I would like is to go into something totally wrong and me end up making that girl the center of attention in my life, and an "idol" in my heart. Then, the reality that is Chris.... *poof*... gone. But I don’t want that, so I keep away. And I preserve myself.

Purity through time... that’s how I’d like to think about it.

That is why I feel like a hermit. That is why I like being alone. That is why I’ve taken myself out of the dating pool. That is why I’m focusing my attention, direction, energy, mind, body and soul on something greater. And so.... I’m growing up.... I’m slowly becoming a man. Yikes.

THIS IS THE FINAL BEAT OF MY DRUM. READ AND COMPREHEND.

The days grow shorter and the nights grow longer, not because I’m missing someone, but because it returns. The emptiness I find in my bed at night tells me that I’m not holding on to the wheel anymore. My brain speaks a thousand languages and goes through a listing of pros and cons on every single angle and perspective of my life. Yes, you’re back. You once ruled over me, yet I vowed to never let you rule again. I’ve gained strength since your absence, yes, I’ve gained knowledge too. I’ve confided in many greater things, many of which are invisible to the naked eye. These things become the wind beneath my wings, the catalyst for motion in a direction well known to you, but never controlled by you. Yes, I’m out of your reach, or so I think.

Once again, I find myself swimming in that ocean only to wake up lost in my bed. Once again, I find myself being taken back to exact minutes, exact days, exact songs, exact aromas of an exact time in which I stood with one fist in the air and another holding on to the truth. I don’t walk in your halls anymore, I don’t seek for answers from you anymore, I don’t even remember you. I wear the shirts of a protest against you, I seek to exploit you and cause an uprising. Success is inevitable, so you hit where it hurts. Down, down, down, down I fall... into a deep unknown, where I will never learn the delight of my own security. Whereas I once envied you, I then loved you... and I’ve turned to hate you. I know now more than ever what you bring, and I will not let your venom destroy me. Save your pawns for the weak, they do you no good against me. She doesn’t surprise me, nor does she wrap me around her finger... is that the best you've got? C'mon, seriously, is that the best you can come with?


No, no, no, no.

You forget who I am. You remember only who I was, where I was, and when I was. The shadow of your own corruption creeps up and cloaks your senses, making you unaware of the strength I carry. Your game is no longer welcome. Your hold is not strong enough. Nunca lo sera, it never will be. Can you destroy something you can’t see and touch? Can your lies and deceit deviate a path that is already maintained by a strenuous gait? I don’t aim to please your thoughts. I don’t want your offers. Keep them to yourself. Once, twice, you have been removed. Thrice comes with power and authority, two things to make you fall. In loss of sleep you may have me. In loss of emotions, you may keep me, but you cannot win in your silent corruption. Soon enough, soon. I hear that sound...

See, the river still flows. And now, guess what? It flows stronger, and the stronger and fresher it flows, the more you want in. Well, you can kill the fish that swim in the river, you can destroy the rocks that form the characteristics of the river, you can even attempt to deviate the flow of the river, but you can NEVER stop this new flow. Beats are drummed to this river's flow, eyes are opened, and now... well, now feet are marching in support of the flow. Look around, see if you like something. Enjoyable, isn't it? Yeah, as my grandfather used to tell me, "Look, but don’t touch." You stroke me the right way, you throw me your tight game, and now you’re "in". Smile now, cry later because your abyss tells stories in which you'll soon crawl and scratch. You see those eyes looking at you? They don’t see your eyes looking back. You called it before you got it. Victory... sweet, sweet victory. You almost have it. You can taste it. You can see it. You can hear it.... and you want to feel it. Te quedastes con las ganas! Your salivation will taste of me and it'll remind you of your hunger for me, because... maybe, just maybe, you can catch me. Maybe you can grab me. Maybe you can pin me.

In the midst of your confusion, I run forth to the beat of my drum. Drum, drum, drum... drum, drum, drum.... drum, drum, drum... drum.

WHAT IF I AM ENTERTAINMENT TO OTHERS???

It’s not that I always want things my way, it’s just that it gets frustrating when nothing goes the way you'd like it to go, no? That’s the way I see it. It bothers the crap out of me. I mean, everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, tries to control their own lives to some extent or another. And I can even throw in the fact here that having faith in God, I should leave everything to Him, but STILL. I get frustrated when things just don’t roll along smoothly. I mean, what is it? Some days you just wake up and you are ON. You know what I mean? Other days, you wake up and you spend the rest of the day thinking that maybe you should have just stayed in bed and waited ‘til tomorrow to wake up…..

Ah.

Think happy thoughts.
Maybe tinker bell has a point.
If I think happy thoughts, maybe I CAN go to Never Never Land...
And when I wake up, I’ll still be here.
GRRR.

Anyways. Hey, I’m human. I get frustrated. I really do. I wish I could bottle things up like other people can.. but I cant. I just let loose. When I’m mad or when I’m happy, I let loose either way. You would think that I would be really happy right now. I mean, I just went to church last Sunday, and it went great. And now, I’m frustrated. Grrrr!!

Sometimes, SERIOUSLY, I really think I’m in THE CHRIS SHOW. No, I don’t mean I’m going to start stripping now or anything of the sort. I mean, like the movie, THE TRUMAN SHOW. I feel like sometimes the world is against ME. And then I think, what the heck? Is this national "bug the crap outta Chris" day??? I sometimes wonder if everyone is really spying on me, watching me on a TV or something.

What if I am entertainment to others?
What if my life is being played out around the world day by day?
That would be crazy. Hmm.
This whole post probably makes no sense. And that is probably because I am frustrated.
We all get frustrated at times..... but it makes us no less worthy. Everyone feels like that at one point, and that's what makes us special.

THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS, CAREFULLY OUTLINED WITH MY SOUL IN EACH LETTER.

Thoughts. Penny for the thoughts. I could live forever on those pennies. I ride a rollercoaster. This rollercoaster takes me up and down many times. It twists and turns me. Up, down, all around. I feel dizzy. I hold on the moments I feel a bit scared and confused. The rest that takes me through is my adrenaline.

My thoughts. My feelings. My eyes. The countless hours. The very short days. The undying truth that glows through. The back I turn. The smiles I smile. The tears that men don’t cry. The shoes that carry me through. I trip on forever. I trip on the paintings and portraits. The great silence. The massive communication within me. The "s" word, but not the one this world uses bluntly.

Being wrong. Thinking I am wrong. Finding out I am wrong. Finding out everyone else is wrong. Finding out that everything is wrong. Being right. Feeling good about being right. Finding out that everything is right. Finding out that the truth is always right.

To let go and to brush off is an art form. An art form that only a talented few have mastered. The rest only wish they could do this and some will never understand about this.

To hold within. To grasp and detain. To never let go. To let pass by. To stare at the brick wall. To slam a fist against the brick wall in vain. To tear down a wall. Victory comes unexpected, untold, unanswered for. Defeat comes well-known, well-told, and with a name. Something so precious. Something so admired. Something so wanted. Something so unknown. Its gravitational force pulls you in. The rest is up to you. The extra push in the end is not toward the core.. but against it. I need it. I want it. I have it. It waves on the palm of my hand. ”Hello. Hi. I’m right here.” Pass me by. Or stop by. Which will it be? Too easily told. Too easily given. Too easily believed. Too easily. And then... something not as precious. Something not as admired. Something not as wanted. Something still unkown... and left behind. A million miles an hour.

The heart. The soul. The feet. At the light, there is joy. In the shade, there is mystery. Too many layers. Too many walls. Need pennies. Much more pennies given truthfully from you. For these are my thoughts. Carefully outlined with my soul in each letter.

My thoughts.

AND THIS, MY DEAR FRIENDS, IS MY MOMENT FOR TODAY.

You know what's really funny? I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and he told me that I really should stop worrying about what people say about me and how they question everything I do... and by this, I mean people that question me because of my faith. I dont mean question like, "Hey, what do you believe?"... No, I mean like, "Why are you doing that? Arent you a Christian?" See, what he pointed out to me is that people will always throw attention on others to take it away from themselves. Then he told me something that was very encouraging... he said, "Hey, at least you are walking the walk, not just talking it like they are. They've got so much evil stuff they're hiding, they'd rather point fingers than for their evil to be found out." And you know what? I whole heartedly agree.

Don't think for one second that you know me, because if you haven't figured it out yet, I only let you know what I want you to know. So, you can judge me based on that if you want.

Really, I don't care.

I hold myself accountable to certain things in this life, but not to those who are constantly watching me and waiting for me to make a mistake. If you're going to be dumb about things and question me, I'll dismiss you and your IQ of a paperclip.

And this, my dear friends, is my moment for today.

WTF?!?

Welcome to Sesame Street. I am your host, and I want you to know that these early Sesame Street episodes are intended for grown-ups and may not meet the needs of today's pre-school child.

AND EVEN BARBIE HAS SHOWN HER TRUE COLORS!!! OMG!!! (Bakit ang iitim ng anak nya? Sabi ko na nga ba eh, negra talaga si Barbie, nagpableach lang!).

IS THIS WHAT OUR CHILDREN IS PLAYING WITH RIGHT NOW? NO WONDER MY NEIGHBOR'S CHILD LOOKS LIKE THIS.......

Just kidding. Peace, aight?